The Holywood Deuteronomy

Translated out of the Original Tongues
And Compared with the Most Ancient Authorities
By
Sidney Thrall

[The Holywood Deuteronomy is a set of outtakes from my novel Tales Of The Patriarchs, faux biblical texts written by Hollywood boy wonder Sidney Thrall, one of the main characters in the novel.]

Translator’s Note:

It is a commonplace of religious scholarship that Holywood originally contained more than one El. There is archeological evidence that at one time there were at least two El’s in Holywood (thus Hollywood.) But in recent years there has developed a body of scholarship (See G. Eisenstein, forthcoming) that insists there may have at one time been several El’s in Holywood and in fact there may have been many (See R. Streicker et al). It is a given in the archaeology of the mind that in the beginning there was an El of Abraham, an El of Isaac and an El of Jacob (See T. Gottlieb and R. Wainess). Indeed there were El’s in all the high places in the Holywood, most significantly in the Holywood Hils where the fabled Holywood Sign once stood and where sacrifices were made, some of them of the human variety (See J. Garland, although controversial), some of them possibly voluntary (See M. Monroe for a good account of this). One should also make note here of the legendary Ravenswood El on Chicago’s Northside where sacrifices were performed on platforms in the bitter cold of winter (See H. Gould.). In any case it is clear from the available evidence that as the mind of man awakened to the concept of monotheism over the ages, the historical record was quite possibly rewritten so that the abundance of El’s in the imagination of mankind was replaced by a single all-powerful and metaphysical El who ruled over all, making demands and holding out promises that have driven the faithful to the brink of madness and filled them with bitter regret. And it is for this reason that the word Holywood, although it echoes with a multitude of El’s, has evolved along with the prophets who wrote (and rewrote) its story, so that it now contains only one.

JS.

Genesis 1:1 - 4

In the beginning He created the camera and the film. And the camera was without form and darkness was upon the face of the film. And His Spirit moved upon the face of the film. And He said, Let there be Light. And there was Light. And the film was bathed in Light. And He said, Cut. Print it.

But first check the gate.

  Adam And Eve

And on the sixth day He created Adam and out of Adam created He Eve. And He commanded the man saying, Of every book in the garden thou mayest freely read, but of the shooting script thou mayest not read of it for in that day that thou readest thereof thou shalt surely die.

And He said, Behold the man has read of the shooting script and he has become as one of us, a director, even unto an auteur: and now lest he put forth his hand and take also of the book of finance and read and he will become a producer also and he will have dominion over all.

Therefore He sent him forth from the garden of Eden and banished him to Poland, to the Pale of Settlement. Now these are the descendents of Adam. Adam begat Cain and Cain begat Enoch. And unto Enoch was born Irad and so on and so on and so was born Noah, but that’s another story. Now these are the generations of the sons of Noah: unto them were born sons after the flood. By these were the isles of the Gentiles divided in their lands, everyone after his tongue, after their families, in their nations. And these became the paying customers.

Now in those days the world moved more slowly, sixteen frames a second. And the world was smaller then, only thirty-five millimeters across from end to end, and it was made of silver nitrate whose chemical symbol is AgNo3 and that is why when we speak of those days we say Agnostic.

Genesis 11:1 -9
The Tower of Babel

And the whole industry was of one silent language and one silent speech. And it came to pass as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Holywood and they dwelt there and set up shop. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make adobe and burn it thoroughly. And they had adobe for stone and who needed mortar? And they said, Go to, let us build a silent film that will be a towering achievement, whose top may reach unto heaven, and let us make a name for ourselves in lights lest we be forgotten upon the face of the whole earth. And the Lord came down to see the silent film at a sneak preview, which was towering, that the men had filmed. And the Lord said, Behold, the silent film industry is one, and they have all one silent language, and look at this stuff they are turning out: and they will be as rich as god and twice as famous and nothing will be restrained from them, they just have to think of it and boom, there it is: a million-dollar movie. Go to, let us get down to business and give them sound, maybe Vitaphone, and dialogue no less, that they may not understand one another’s speeches. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off making the silent film that would be such a towering achievement. Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there give them Talkies for all of the earth: and the Talkies spread like wildfire abroad upon the face of all the earth. And that was all she wrote for the Silent Movies.

Genesis 22:1 - 19
The Sacrifice of Irving

After these things New York tested Mayer and sent him a telegram saying “Mayer!” And Mayer cabled back, “Here am I.” And New York said, “Take your Chief of Production, your only Chief of Production Irving whom you love and go to the land of The North and fire him there as a sacrifice on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” So Mayer rose at 6 am, provisioned the Packard and took two of his assistant vice presidents with him and his Chief of Production Irving; and he dictated the language for the firing, and drove off and went to the place New York told him. And on the third day Mayer lifted up his eyes and saw the place afar off. Then Mayer said to his assistant vice presidents, “Stay here with the car; and I and the Chief of Production will go yonder and speak privately, and come again to you.” And Mayer took the language for the firing and laid it on Irving his Chief of Production, and he took in his hand the paperwork and the pen. So they went both of them together. And Irving said unto the Head of the Studio, Mayer, “Head of the Studio!” And he said, “Here am I, my Chief of Production.” He said, “Behold the paperwork and the pen, but where is the unfortunate one who you will fire this day?” Mayer said, “New York will provide the unfortunate one who will be fired, my Chief of Production.” So they went both of them together.

When they came to the place New York had chosen, Mayer built an office with a table and two chairs there and laid the paperwork there in order and bade his Chief of Production to sit at the table with the paperwork. Then Louis put forth his hand and took the pen to fire his Chief of Production. But a representative from Finance got him on the phone from New York and said, “Louis, Louis!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Do not say a word to the lad or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear New York, seeing you have not withheld your Chief of Production, your only Chief of Production, from me. And Louis lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was an accountant, caught in deception by his own hand, and Louis went and took the accountant and fired him instead of his Chief of Production. So Louis called the name of that place, New York will provide; as it is said to this day, “On the island of Manhattan I can get it for you wholesale.”

And the representative of Finance got Louis on the phone a second time from New York, and said, “By myself I have sworn, says New York, because you have done this, and have not withheld your Chief of Production, your only Chief of Production, I will indeed look favorably upon your continued employment, and I will finance your movies as the stars of heaven and the sand which is on the seashore. And your movies shall possess the box office of their enemies, and by your movies shall all the nations of the earth be entertained, because you have obeyed my cable and my phone call. So Louis returned to his assistant vice presidents, and they drove off and went together to the Studio and Louis dwelt in Bel-Air in a lovely little house on Montrose.

The Book of Joshua
Chapters 13 – 19

Now Joshua was old and stricken in years; and the Lord said unto him, Thou art old and stricken in years and there remaineth yet very much land to be possessed and movies to be made and coin to be minted and money to be printed.

And these are the studios which Moses gave unto the children of Israel to the nine tribes and the half tribe of RKO.

And this is the inheritance of Columbia Studios which were given to them by the Joshua and the children of Israel. At the border of Gower Street where it meets Sunset Boulevard and then turning west towards Hollywood and north unto the coast at Vine Street this is the inheritance of Columbia Studios and the tribe of Harry Cohn who gave us Frank Capra and The Three Stooges. And the studio had a gated entrance and it was located on Sunset Boulevard just to the west of where Fox Studios rose up and KTLA the television studio. And this was their inheritance.

This is the inheritance of Monogram and its Studios. From Las Palmas Avenue even between Melrose and Santa Monica. Take Vine Street south less than a mile to Santa Monica Boulevard, then turn right which is also west and go about half a mile west on Santa Monica thence to Las Palmas. Turn left which is also south on Las Palmas and the studio is on the left which is also the east facing the salt sea.

This is the inheritance of the half tribe of RKO which was also known sometimes as DeMille Studios. And their border on one side was the south side of Washington Boulevard about a half mile east of that place where MGM rises up and was drawn from the north and went forth going up from Van Buren Place and its south coast over against the going up of Ince Boulevard. Including an odd X-shaped intersection with Culver Boulevard. Turn left at the stop sign and drive past the right side of the triangular hotel which is the Culver Hotel that is in the middle of the street and going even unto the ivy covered fence where the public is not permitted (except for live TV tapings). And this was the inheritance given to the half-tribe of RKO and to Joseph P. Kennedy who won it fair and square playing craps and needed a place to park his ill-gotten gains during prohibition and so it is said even unto this day and no one gave them a snowball’s chance in hell but they had Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers as well they might and so they prospered. And this is the inheritance that was given by Joshua and the children of Israel to the children of the half-tribe of RKO and to Joseph P. Kennedy who knew when to get out and sold a controlling interest to Howard Hughes.

And unto the tribe of Chaplin was given this inheritance whose coast is on the east side of La Brea Avenue at the southeast corner of Sunset and La Brea and bordered by De LongPre Avenue even on the south about one half mile north from Hollywood Boulevard and the border was drawn thence and compassed a great plain and this was the southwest quarter. And Chaplin and his cohort received this inheritance and many great movies made they them there.

And these are the inheritances that were given unto the children of Adolph Zukor and the tribe of Paramount which first they rented in a horse barn near unto the coast that is at Sunset and Vine and it was in this very barn that DeMille shot The Squaw Man (and is now open to the Public) and thence moving along the bank of Gower Street a sprawling back lot, a huge sprawling studio covering an area as big as Disneyland and they builded them a towering wall and in it they placed a tall water tower with the blue Paramount mountain logo looming over all and then looking north up over Bronson Avenue an old gate which was called the Bronson Arch and justly so, just to the east of the new gate, a double arch which they builded to resemble the original Bronson Arch from which it is but a short ways to Pop’s Sodium Shop. And Paramount acquired a 2,700 acre parcel of land and its name was called The Paramount Ranch whereof the border was at the south all that could be seen from Mulholland Drive which runs at the top of the Hollywood Hills and is a helluva view and a great ride in a good motorcar and then came down to the end of the mountain that lieth before the valley of San Fernando and which is near the valley of the Giants on the north who were the baseball Giants not to be confused with the football Giants who stayed in New York and so it has always been down to this day. And turning toward the sunrising in the desert this parcel was in the hills between Malibu and the Valley. And the property had rolling grasslands, oak and walnut groves, streams and canyons, everything they needed to create The Old West even unto a huge replica of Early San Francisco. And all this just as the “talkies” were catching on and it was a shrewd investment and indeed they all deemed it thus. And Marcus Loew who was a partner in Paramount had an estate in Pembroke on Long Island that would knock your socks off. And these were the inheritances given by the children of Israel unto the children of Paramount, after their families, the cities and their villages.

And these are the inheritances given by Moses unto Carl Laemmle and the children of Universal Pictures. And they built their giant hilltop studio on a chicken farm and the border of it was Lankershim Boulevard and they called that place Universal City and it was right off the Hollywood Freeway which is Highway 101 and that was before the going up of the Hollywood Bowl. And this was the inheritance given unto the tribe of Universal. And Carl Laemmle gave it all unto his son Carl Laemmle, Jr.

These are the inheritances given by Moses unto the Warner Brothers Jack and Harry and the other two, who can remember their names, about a half a mile west from where rose up the Paramount Studio and right next door to the legendary Formosa Café and it is bordered on the south of Santa Monica Boulevard in a somewhat seedy part of West Holywood and to the east by Formosa Avenue and to Poinsetta Place which is the border on the west. And unto the Warner Brothers was given the city of Burbank and a 110-acre lot in the east in the San Fernando Valley where it was exceeding hot and land was cheaper there and this was formerly the land of First National Studios but they went broke and Warner Brothers bought them out.

And these are the inheritances given by the children of Israel unto Fox Studio and William Fox and his families. And the city of Century City was given unto them and the land whereon the legendary Tom Mix had his ranch. And they were bounded on one side by Pico Boulevard. And there rose up on Pico across the street from the Fox Studio a country club which was the Hillcrest Country Club which admitted only members of the children of Israel and their tribes. And it is said that it was here that Louis B. Mayer punched Sam Goldwyn in the shower in the mens locker room of the Hillcrest Country Club. Until one day they admitted one who was not one of the children of Israel and he was Danny Thomas who was a Lebanese Christian but they said, Behold, he looks like one of the children of Israel. And William Fox had an estate in Woodmere on Long Island and it was big enough to kill an ox and even Marcus Loew was amazed and jealous.

And these were the inheritances that were given by Joshua and the children of Israel unto MGM. The city of Culver City was given unto them which is closer even unto Marina Del Rey than it is to Holywood. And they built a great edifice with classic Greek columns and its boundary on the north was Washington Boulevard which is by the San Diego Freeway which is Highway 405 and it was bounded on the south by Culver Boulevard and it went thence to the east where its border was Madison even unto Overland which was its border on the west. And the main old gate is located at the corner of Jasmine and Washington. And it is there even unto this day. And this is the inheritance given unto MGM by Joshua and the children of Israel.

Only unto the tribe of the artists he gave none inheritance; the sacrifices of stardom made by fire are their inheritance, as he said unto them.

When they had made an end of dividing the land for inheritance by their coasts, the children of Israel gave an inheritance to DW Griffith who was not one of the tribes of Israel but who was a great director and they say he invented the fade-in and back lighting and other wonders that he offered up to the children of Israel out of the goodness of his heart when he probably could have patented them and made a fortune if he had half a brain. And it was in Mamaroneck on the coast of Westchester in his estate overlooking the sea where he continued his work of making movies after the conquest of the land.

These are the inheritances which Eleazer the priest, and Joshua the son of Nun, and the heads of the fathers of the studios divided for an inheritance by lot in the Knickerbocker Hotel in Holywood before the Lord at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation and the recorder of deeds and the receiver of taxes. So they made an end of dividing the country.

But unto the artists Moses gave not any inheritance; Stardom was their inheritance, as he said unto them.

Then came near the heads of the fathers of the artists unto Eleazer the priest and Joshua son of Nun and unto the heads of the fathers of the studios of the children of Israel. And they spake unto them at the Knickerbocker Hotel in the land of Holywood saying, the Lord commanded by the hand of Moses to give us a piece of the action, and a goodly piece, cities to dwell in, with suburbs thereof for our cattle. And the children of Israel gave unto the artists out of their inheritance, at the commandment of the Lord enormous unheard of salaries such as would choke a horse and when that would not suffice to secure their services, a percentage of the net which meant nothing unless it could be indeed a percentage of the gross which was very hard to get but some were very good agents above the rest and they got it and their clients were exceedingly glad.

Judges 13:24 – 16:31
Samson and Tallulah

And the woman bare a son, and called his name Samson: and the child grew, and Marcus Loew of MGM blessed him. And the Spirit of Marcus Loew began to move him at times in the Studio at Culver City at the corner of Jasmine and Washington And it came to pass afterwards that Samson loved a woman in the valley of San Fernando, a cute little shiksa actress, whose name was Tallulah.

And the Vice Presidents of Universal came unto her and said unto her, Entice him and see wherein his great head for business lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him that we may put him in a contractual bind to afflict him; and we will give thee everyone of us eleven hundred silver dollars.

And Tallulah said unto Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great business head lieth, wherewith thou mightest be put in a contractual bind to afflict thee.

And Samson said unto her, If they put me in a bind with seven ironclad clauses still wet on the page, then shall I be dim-witted, and be as another man.

Then the Vice Presidents of Universal brought up to her seven ironclad clauses still wet on the page, and she bound him with them to a contract.

Now there were men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber. And she said unto him, the Vice Presidents of Universal be upon thee to do a deal, Samson. And he brake the contract, as a towrope is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known.

And Tallulah said unto Samson, That was just a coincidence. I had nothing to do with that. Behold thou has not been straight with me and told me lies: now tell me I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be put in a bind in a contract and be bound unfavorably.

And he said unto her, Well if that was just a coincidence then I will tell you, if they bind me fast with new clauses that never were written before, then shall I be dim-witted, and be as another man.

Tallulah therefore took new contracts that were never written before, and bound him therewith and said unto him, The Vice Presidents of Universal be upon thee to do a deal, Samson. And there were liers in wait abiding in the chamber. And he tore the contracts to pieces with his hands like so much paper.

And Tallulah said unto Samson, That too was just a coincidence. I swear I had nothing to do with that. Hitherto thou has not been straight with me, and told me lies: tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said, Well Ok if that was just a coincidence I will tell you, If thou tiest me down to the bed with the seven locks of my head and tie it real tight like that oh yeah, then I shall become dim-witted like any other man.

And she tied him real tight like that oh yeah and said unto him, The Vice Presidents of Universal be upon thee, Samson. And he awaked out of his fantasy and went away with the bed. It was a good bed.

And it came to pass when she nagged him daily with her words, and urged him, so that she made him almost crazy and he was fed up to here, that he told her all his heart, and said unto her, (I don’t know why I’m telling you this but) There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother’s womb: if I be shaven then my business acumen will go from me, and I shall become dim-witted, and be like any other man.

And when Tallulah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the Vice-Presidents of Universal, saying, Come up to my place, for he hath showed me all his heart. Then the Vice-Presidents of Universal came up to her place and brought money in their hand and a little something extra for her trouble.

And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his business sense went from him.

And she said, The Vice-Presidents of Universal be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I cannot believe this is happening again, this cannot be a coincidence, Tallulah. I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself.

But the Vice-Presidents of Universal took him and gouged him, and brought him down the Valley to Universal Studio on Lankershim Boulevard, and bound him with contractual obligations with bronze lettering and set him to grind the camera on the backlot. Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven.

Then the Vice-Presidents of Universal gathered them together for to offer a great celebration unto Laemmle their President and to rejoice; for they said, Laemmle hath delivered Samson our rival into our hand.

And when the employees saw him, they praised their President; for they said, our President hath delivered into our hands our rival, and the destroyer of our company who beat us badly at the box office.

And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make sport for us. And they called for Samson out of the backlot; and he made sport for them; and they set him between the pillars of the Main Gate. And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars of the main gate whereupon the studio standeth, that I may lean upon them.

Now the studio was full of men and women; and all the executives of Universal were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand extras from Central Casting, that beheld while Samson made sport.

And Samson called upon the Lord, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, only this once, O God that I may be at once avenged of Universal for this lousy deal.

And Samson took hold of the two pillars of the Main Gate upon which Universal Studio stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.

And Samson said, Let me deal with Universal. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the studio fell upon the executives, and upon all the extras that were therein. So the deal which he drew at his death was more than all those which he drew in his life. Then his vice-presidents and all the employees of MGM came down, and took him, and brought him up, and buried him between Griffith and de Mille at the buryingplace of Forest Lawn. And he judged MGM forty years.

The Book of Mayer

There was a man in the Land of Oz whose name was Mayer; and that man was spotless and hardworking, one who feared New York and turned away from Art. There were given to him seven academy award winning actors and three actresses. He had seventy thousand in the stock market, thirty thousand in bonds, five thousand in the bank and very many in his pockets; so that this man was the most successful of all the people in LA. His academy award winning actors used to go and throw a party in the house of each on his birthday; and they would send and invite the three actresses to party with them. And when the party had run its course Mayer would send and bless them, and he would rise at 6 am and make offers and do deals according to the number of them all; for Mayer said, “It may be that my actors have stumbled, and cursed their careers in their hearts.” Thus did Mayer continually.

Now there was a meeting at which the vice-presidents of the Company came to present themselves before New York and the Dissident Shareholder also came among them. New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Whence have you come?” The Dissident Shareholder answered New York, “From going to and fro in the Studio and from walking up and down on it.” And New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Have you considered my Studio Chief Mayer, that there is none like him in the industry, a spotless and hardworking son of a bitch, who fears New York and turns away from Art?” Then the Dissident Shareholder answered New York, “Does Mayer fear New York for nought? Hast thou not put a safety net about him and his job and all that he has on every side. Thou has blessed his movies and his power has increased in LA. But put forth thy hand now and mess with him, and he will curse thee to they face. And New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not mess with his head.” So the Dissident Shareholder went forth from the penthouse of New York.

Now there was a day when his actors and actresses were partying at the house of the most famous; and there came a messenger from the Western Union to Mayer, and said, “The cameras were rolling on Location in the Valley and the day was going well and the Sabeans fell upon them and kidnapped them and slew the crew with the edge of the sword; and I alone am escaped to tell thee.” While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, “The fire of New York fell from heaven and crashed and burned the stock market and consumed it and you are wiped out; and I alone am escaped to tell thee.” While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The Bank sent three officers, and made a raid upon your assets and took them, and slew your staff with the edge of the sword, and I alone am escaped to tell thee.” While he was yet speaking, there came another, and said, “Your actors and actresses were partying in the house of the most famous; and behold, a Santa Ana wind came off the desert and struck the four corners of the mansion, and it fell upon your stars and they are dead; and I alone am escaped to tell thee.”

In all this Mayer did not sin or charge New York with wrong.

Again there was a day when the vice-presidents of the Company came to a meeting in the penthouse of New York, and the Dissident Shareholder also came among them to be present at the meeting of New York. And New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Whence have you come?” The Dissident Shareholder answered New York, “Don’t kid me. You know.” And New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Have you considered my Studio Chief Mayer, that there is none like him in the industry, a spotless and hardworking son of a bitch, who fears New York and turns away from Art. He still holds fast his loyalty though you messed with him to destroy him without cause.” Then the Dissident Shareholder answered New York, “Thought for thought! All that a man has he will give for his life. But put forth thy hand now and mess with his head and he will curse thee to thy face.” And New York said to the Dissident Shareholder, “Behold, he is in your power; only spare his life.”

Then the Dissident Shareholder went forth from the penthouse of New York, and afflicted Mayer with loathsome thoughts from the moment he woke to the moment he slept and even in his dreams. And he took pills and drink with which to escape himself, and he sat in the ashes of his mind.

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your loyalty? Tell New York to fuck off and die.” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good at the hand of New York and shall we not receive evil? In all this Mayer did not sin in so many words.

Now when Mayer’s three doctors heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own practice, Eliphaz the Strict Freudian, Bildad the Jungian, and Zophar the Episcopalian. They made an appointment together to come to console him and treat him. And when they saw him in the waiting room, they did not recognize him; and they raised their voices and wept. And they opened their books and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him in the office seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him for they saw that his suffering was very great.

After this Mayer opened his big fat mouth and cursed the day he was hired. And he said, “I hate my job.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

Then Eliphaz the Strict Freudian said, “Can I get a word in edgewise?” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

Then Mayer spoke again, and said, “No, I’m serious. I hate my job.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

The Bildad the Jungian said, “You talk and talk and all you make is noise.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

Then Mayer said, “A lot you know.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

Then Zophar the Episcopalian said, “You should be ashamed of yourself the things you say.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

Then Mayer said, “Bear with me, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” And he said “Shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma shma”

So these three men ceased to treat Mayer because he did not want to be treated.

Then Elihu who was the assistant to the Under-Assistant West Coast Promotions Man became angry. He was angry with Mayer because he would not be treated. He was angry with his three doctors because they had found no cure although they had declared Mayer to be very sick in the head. And Elihu said many things. But he talked so fast no one could understand him.

And Mayer said, “You are young. Grow up. And don’t talk so fast. I can’t understand a word you say.”

Then New York answered Mayer out of the whirlwind.
Who is this that races his mouth when his mind is not in gear?
Pull yourself together and be a man.
I will ask the questions, and you will answer me.
Where were you when I started this Company?
Who put down the money from his own pocket?
Who risked everything? Who hocked his house?
Who stayed up nights worrying about every little detail?
Who got it going? Who made it work?
Who ploughed every cent back in the Company
And kept nothing for himself?
Who knows how every penny is spent?
How every brick is laid?
Tell me, you miserable ingrate!
Pick, pick, pick. You pick.
Shame on you. You make me look bad so you can look good.
You work for me!
I own you!

Then Mayer answered New York:
You are right.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
I heard about you,
But now I see for myself.
Therefore I could kill myself.
And I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

After New York had spoken these words to Mayer, New York said to Eliphaz the Strict Freudian, “My wrath is kindled against you and your two friends; for you have not done right by me, as my Studio Chief Mayer has. You ought to have your heads examined.” And New York restored the fortunes of Mayer and New York gave Mayer double what he had. And New York blessed the comeback of Mayer more than his beginning; and he had a hundred forty thousand in the stock market, sixty thousand in bonds, ten thousand in the bank and enough pocket money to kill an ox. He had also seven more academy award winning actors and three actresses. And in all the land there were no actresses so fair as Mayer’s; and Mayer gave them good roles opposite his men. And after this Mayer worked many more years and saw his movies come out and his movies’ movies, four generations. And Mayer retired an old man and full of Oscars.

2 Kings 22:8 – 23:3
The Movie of the Law

And Jacob the Chairman Emeritus said unto Goldman the scribe, I have found the movie of the law in the Temple on Wilshire Boulevard. And Jacob gave the movie to Goldman, and he screened it.

And Goldman the scribe took a meeting with the King, saying, Jacob the Chairman Emeritus hath delivered me a property. And Goldman screened it before the King.

And it came to pass when the King had seen the scenes of the movie of the law, that he rent his beautiful suit. And the King commanded Jacob the Chairman Emeritus and Goldman the scribe, saying Go ye, inquire of the Director of this movie for me, and for the Studio, and for all Holywood, concerning the movie that has come to us: for great is the talent of the Director that is kept from us, because our development people have not harkened unto the words of his script, to put it into production exactly as it is.

So Jacob the Chairman Emeritus and Goldman went unto Sheila the agentess, the wife of Beaton, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Century City in the warehouse) and they took a meeting with her.

And she said unto them, Thus saith the Director, Tell the man that got you this meeting,

Thus saith the Director, Behold I will bring Art unto this place, and unto the moviegoers thereof, even all the scenes of the movie which the King of Holywood hath screened:

Because they have ignored my talent and burned incense unto other Directors, that they might provoke me to anger with all the works of their hands; therefore my movies shall be kindled against this place, and shall not be quenched.

But to the King of Holywood, which sent you to make an offer to the Director, thus shall ye say to him, Thus saith the Director, as touching the words which thou hast heard:

Because thy heart was tender and thou has humbled thyself before the Director, when thou screened what I filmed against this place, and against the moviegoers thereof, that their movies should become a desolation and a curse, and hast rent thy beautiful suit, and wept at the beautiful ending I wrote; I also have heard thee, saith the Director.

Behold therefore, I will gather thee unto thy fathers, and thou shall be gathered into the deal in peace; and you shall be protected from any great loss on this project. And they brought the King the deal memo.

And the King sent, and they gathered unto him all the executives in Holywood and Century City.

And the King went up to the house of the Director, and all the executives of Holywood with him, and the vps and the agents, and all the people both small and great: and he screened for their eyes all the scenes of the movie of the covenant which was found in the Temple on Wilshire Boulevard.

And the King stood by a gate, and made a deal before the Director, to walk after the Director and distribute his movies, and his short subjects and his scripts in development with all their hearts and all their souls, to perform the words of the deal that were written down. And all the vps signed off on the deal.